So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
