i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
