i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
