If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
