Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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