look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
