You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
