WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
