Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
