Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
