the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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