I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
