I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
