i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
