dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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