Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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