Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
