mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
