You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
