he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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