Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
