somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
