i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
