Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
