you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
