Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
