how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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