Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
