i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
