I am in a vortex of obligation.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
So. Much. Porn.
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