i would punch a child for taco bell
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
