O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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