it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
