he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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