She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
