went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
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