Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
