Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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