We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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