i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
