____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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