I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
