i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
