Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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