Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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