nut hugger
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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