i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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