i need an iv and a liver transplant
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
