Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
