I have demons in me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
