for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
