He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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